Taylor Swift’s Red Delights and Disappoints

By Allison Ulaky

Teenage girls went crazy when they learned of an upcoming album by one of country music’s top superstars. But now that the newest soundtrack is out, is it really worth buying?

Taylor Swift’s fourth album, Red was released October 22, and so far has been a huge success. According to Billboard.com, Swift’s newest album sold 1.2 million copies in a single week, which is more copies sold in a single week than any other album since 2002. Red had also sold nearly 465,000 copies in iTunes, and stores such as Target and even Papa John’s sold tons of copies to help the 22 year old singer out.

The pizza company partnered with Swift and advertised her CD on its pizza boxes. Papa John’s also promoted different offers that included the album, such as buying a large, one-topping pizza and getting Red for $22. In total, Papa John’s sold about 8,000 copies.

The album itself consists of 16 tracks, making it a pretty long album that would be hard to listen to in one sitting. An obvious hit on her soundtrack is “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” which anyone can find on their local radio station. Another popular track is “I Knew You Were Trouble,” and with a dubstep-like beat playing behind her vocals, it is ranked as one of the top songs in iTunes.

The album also features collaborations with singer/songwriter Ed Sheeran on “Everything Has Changed,” and singer of the band Snow Patrol, Gary Lightbody, on the track “The Last Time.”

Most of the other tracks on Red express Swift’s past heartbreaks and her current relationship status, which draws young, teenage girls into her music because it is so relatable. But these songs alternate from her usual country vibe to a new pop sound.

Music critic Mesfin Fekadu of the Huffington Post states that “while Red contains its share of winners, many of the songs lack the colorfulness and vitality the album title suggests, leading to an overall letdown. Lyrically and sonically, the album lacks oomph and feeling: It sounds like we’ve heard it all from her before.”

Swift branching out to try to gain new kinds of listeners was bound to have its ups and downs. Either way, everyone should expect Red to stay on the top of the charts as old and new Taylor Swift fans listen to her.

District to Rebuild, Relocate Hambright Elementary

This graphic shows what the planned Hambright Elementary school renovations will look like.
This graphic shows what the planned Hambright Elementary school renovations will look like.

By Olivia Hertzler

Anyone who has driven past Hambright Elementary School recently, might have noticed the “for sale” sign in front of the school and wondered why it is there. In order to expand the elementary school, Penn Manor School District plans to rebuild Hambright behind Manor Middle School.

Hambright was built in the 1930s, and although the building itself is fine, the school cannot expand because it is landlocked. The 440 student elementary school is set on a six acre lot, but 15 acres is the recommended amount of land for a school of this size.  To create more space the parking lot or playground would have to be moved.

Central Manor is the only elementary school in the district that can expand if student population increases.

Hambright is located in a very busy area.  Every 20-25 years the school district renovates one of its  schools. Another reason for Hambright’s rebuilding is that the cost of  renovating  the current building was greater than the cost of building a new school.

“We have limitations here and [I am] looking forward to new opportunities at the new building,” said Dr. Egan, the principal at Hambright.

This project’s funds come from both the school budget and municipal bonds, which are issued by the state and will be repaid over a period of 10 years.

In January, the school district plans to find a contractor to build the new school.

“We want the building to be flexible” said Dr. Egan.

The new school will be one floor and will provide the option of four classrooms per grade level. Included in the plans for the new building are three learning labs and large-group, academic commons, which allow large-group activities to take place in one big room.  There will also be outdoor learning spaces between the labs. The stage will be between the cafeteria and the gym so that it can be opened up to an audience on either side.  The district also plans to add a path to connect to the path belonging to the park behind Manor Middle School.

Construction is scheduled to  begin in April. The new Hambright building is scheduled to be completed in September 2014.

Because of the construction timeline, the change in schools will only affect this year’s kindergarten through fourth graders.  In this case, those students will just move to the new school building.

“Hambright’s  boundaries will stay the same same, but some of the grey areas will change. This will take the  pressure off of Central Manor and Eshleman to have so many students,” said Dr. Egan.

The number of students being bussed to school won’t increase by much, because there are currently there are only a few students who walk. Other improvements for students and staff include the addition of air conditioning; the current Hambright building is not air conditioned. The new location will also be convenient for students in  accelerated classes.

Students are looking forward to the new building.

“I’m excited because I can come back and visit, because its close to the middle school”, said Skyler Flint, a sixth grader at Hambright.

“It seems like we need a new school, “ said Teilah Cruz, a Hambright sixth grader who mentioned that she will miss the old building. “I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone has to say about [the new building.”

The old Hambright building is for sale, and more than 12 groups, including churches, businesses and local private schools have been looking at it.

 

Penn Manor High School Cleans Up After November Fire

By Emily Thyrum

In one way or another, almost all Penn Manor High School students and teachers have been affected by the November 8 dryer fire that began in the FCS wing and spread smoke throughout the hallways of the school.  Most of the fire’s effects have since been resolved.

“Most of the damage was in terms of smoke damage,” said Dr. Phil Gale, principal.

After the smoke spread to the halls, the ventilation system sucked up the smoke and spread the smoke to the other parts of the school. As a result, the hallways around the Central Complex, the East Gym, the auditorium, and the FCS wing were impacted the most.

Dr. Gale said there were no permanent effects from the fire.

“If we hadn’t cleaned it thoroughly, the smell would have come back,” said Dr. Gale.

The district hired Paul Davis Restoration to clean everything thoroughly to get rid of the fine particles of soot the naked eye can’t see. The school district chose Paul Davis because the district has worked with the company before and it is one of the largest companies in the country. The clean up was paid for by the district’s insurance policy after the district paid a $1,000 deductible.

By Christmas break, Paul Davis Restoration had cleaned everywhere except the cafeteria. The company came back during the break to clean this area  because students use the cafeteria every day and it cannot be replaced by another room. According to Dr. Gale, the company finished the project ahead of schedule.

“They did a very thorough job…very accommodating for what we needed to have done,” Dr. Gale said.

The fire also affected the teachers of the FCS department whose classrooms were closest to the source of the fire.

“They took every chair, table, filing cabinets, my aprons, my food; they threw out my hand soap. They cleaned the appliances and cabinets,” said Mrs. Mindy Rottmund. All of her videos and files were ruined, and much of her food and supplies were, too.

Rottmund’s classes were moved to the computer lab in room 208 so that her room could be completely cleaned. Other teachers gave her supplies to help replace things she lost.

“For a few days, it was like being a brand new teacher because I had to start new lessons from scratch.”

FCS teacher Ms. Elizabeth Sheerer was also affected by the fire. Sheerers classes were relocated to the computer labs until after Thanksgiving break. If it hadn’t been for Sheerer’s laptop, she wouldn’t have had any of her files.

“I almost felt like a new teacher because I didn’t have my normal files, activities and supplies,” said Sheerer.

Her students did miss their room and asked frequently when they would return.

“I made use of the computer labs by having different activities relating to nutrition, car shopping and loans and housing options.  With the generosity of the staff, (and the) whole district, we were able to have some supplies to last until our things came back and we could “run” a normal class,” said Sheerer.

The washer/dryer combo was damaged in the fire and many things were cleaned, but many items cannot be treuend. Some of the items lost included those for a fashion class.

“Mrs. Rottmund and I lost some of our Thanksgiving break due to unpacking over 400 boxes and trying to get our rooms organized again.  We had to clean all the dishes and inside cabinets of the two kitchens, organize our office and the main room I use had to have all the cabinets cleaned inside,” Sheerer said.

Students in the First Priority Christian Club had collected toys, clothing, toiletry products and money to donate to Operation Christmas Child.

“The completed boxes were stored in my IPC until mailing scheduled on Friday, November 9.  However, the fire broke out on the 8th and the shoe boxes were removed from school. We did not know if they would return or not,” said Rottmund.

Luckily, a $400 donation was given to the club to replace the lost donations.

“Unfortunately, the mailing deadline had passed, so the club decided to purchase toys at Toys R Us and donate them to the Toys For Tots/Water Street Rescue Mission,” Rottmund said.

Meanwhile, the original donations were returned, so First Priority decided to donate the $168, which was supposed to have been used to mail the donations, to Samaritan’s Purse. The club then gave the original donations to the Penn Manor Needy Family Program in order to give the other toys along with the Giving Tree donations.

2012: History’s Greatest Hoax

Mayan civilization at its peak.
Mayan civilization at its peak.

By Nick Tulli

Anybody who has lived in the western world in the past decade has heard the theory that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012, and the world will end with it. This assumption is so ludicrous that I have to ask myself, where do I begin?

First of all, I should begin by saying that the plural of a member of the Mayan civilization is not “Mayans.” It is actually “Maya.” Just like the plural of sheep is sheep, the plural of one Maya is Maya.

Okay, sorry, now onto the real point of this whole spiel.

The problem with this whole idea of 2012 is that the Mayan civilization, and its calendar, never predicted apocalypse. The calendar doesn’t even end. 2012 is simply the end of a period of time on their calendar. The Maya counted time in very, very long periods. They used what is known as the Long Count Calendar, which is now better known as the Mayan Calendar. The Maya called a day a k’in, twenty days were represented as a winal, 360 days made a tun, twenty tuns made a k’atun, and twenty k’atuns made a b’ak’tun, about 394.26 years. On December 21, 2012, the Mayan Calendar reaches its 13th b’ak’tun.

What does this mean? Nothing.

The date of the last time the Long Count Calendar reached a new b’ak’tun, represented as 12.0.0.0.0, was September 18, 1618. As it turns out, September 18, 1816 was about the most insignificant day history has ever seen.

America hadn’t been colonized by Europeans, no British king was busy invading Ireland, and, believe it or not, the French were not losing any wars.

The only interesting tidbit about December 21, 2012 is that the Long Count Calendar reads 13.0.0.0.0. That’s it. Just a bunch of zeroes.

A few years ago NASA became so inundated with questions about this very phenomena that the scientists took time out of their busy schedules to explain that a civilization that existed thousands of years ago did not know more about the universe than modern scientists do today. If the Maya were so good at predicting the end of the world, how come they did not predict the Spanish crossing the Atlantic and wiping out the last of them?

This assumption has come into fruition in only the past couple decades, and though I don’t know this for a fact, I would bet that the Internet and multimedia should be charged as the cause of it’s success. Not to mention, the 2011 movie that certainly did not sweep the Academy Awards, 2012, was based on absolutely no scientific fact and really made a laughing stock of the whole ordeal (perhaps that’s what it deserves).

But, who knows? Perhaps science is all wrong and the world will end this week. Maybe all the volcanoes on the face of the earth will decide that it’s up to them to fulfill the prophecy of their Maya friends and erupt simultaneously. Maybe the Moon will decide that it’s too cold out in space and it wants to give the Earth a hug in order to share body heat. Or maybe there’s a far away race of extraterrestrial life that has mastered high-speed space travel and is flying through the galaxy in attempt to destroy all every blue planet (Sorry, Neptune).

I suppose that it wouldn’t hurt to get ready, just in case. So, I’ve made up two checklists for the end of the world. One for those of you who are still skeptical and not taking any risks, and one for those of you like me who can’t wait for everyone to go looney.

For the Skeptics:
• food
• water
• clothes
• fists, to fight the aliens
• shoes
• a pillow while you wait
• a metal bunker that most likely would not help anyway
• a lion or tiger to scare the aliens away
• a compass
• thermal underwear for the whole family
• lots and lots of gasoline
• shampoo, because even if you are the last ones left, you still need to shower. Nobody likes B.O.
• toilet paper, always.
• a dog to keep you company if your family thinks you’re nuts
• a Metallica playlist
• two sticks to make a fire
• a poster of Clint Eastwood, for motivation

For those in the right mind:
• a very large glass of Cherry Coke
• popcorn
• napkins
• KFC, if you so wish
• a La-Z-Boy or other leather recliner
• at least 3 working news stations (CNN, NBC, ABC are preferred)
• a nearby bathroom
• a sense of humor
• a deck of cards
• Internet access
• the ability to laugh at the world’s population
• a good night’s sleep
• fireworks, so you can scare your neighbors
• a twitter page

Friday is sure to be entertaining. I, for one, can’t wait. And if you want to have some fun in our waning days, you can test whether your friends really believe that the world will end – just ask them to sign all of their assets over to you on Thursday.

But hey, on the bright side, if the world really does end, I guess that means that my C in calculus isn’t really going to matter.

Field hockey team celebrates successful season

By Lindsay Terry

The Penn Manor football team had a great season this year, but the field hockey team also contributed to the Comet spirit this fall.

The varsity team finished the season with a 26-3 record and made it all the way to the PIAA Class AAA final, becoming district champions on the way.

The state championship was held at the opponent’s home field in Lower Dauphin, and the stands on both sides were filled with enthusiastic fans ready for an intense game.

With 45 seconds left to go in the first half, Lower Dauphin scored to take a 1-0 lead. Fifteen and a half minutes into the second half, Lower Dolphin put a goal in to make the score 2-0.

Sitting in the middle of the Comet section of the stands when the game ended with a score of 2-0, the parents and supporters we not very happy with the outcome.

The game might have been a loss, but the end of the year banquet was a success.

The girls bonded together one last time while many of them were given awards for their hard work. For the junior varsity team, freshman Emily Robb was given the coaches award, and freshman Madison Warfel was given the MVP award. On the varsity team, seniors Shannon Sloss, Emily McCoy, and Eryn McCoy were given the awards to share because of their hard work and success this season.

Emily McCoy, Eryn McCoy and Sloss were named first-team all stars. In addition, coach Matt Soto was named Section One Coach of the Year by the Lebanon-Lancaster League.

At the banquet, Penn Manor High School Principal Dr. Philip Gale and all of the coaches gave speeches to the girls about how proud they were, and the seniors gave “gag” gifts to the rest of the girls on the JV and Varsity team. The girls were also asked to get into groups and make up poems about one of the four seniors who then  got their own “gag” gifts.

At  the end of the night, Coach Soto challenged the girls to go all the way next season and bring home the state championship trophy.

2012 College Football Bowls Expose a Tired System

By Nick Tullli

The Division 1 College football bowls have been selected, and this year’s lineup is a perfect example of why this pitiful system coming to a close. Paul Newberry, an AP national writer, said it best in an article from December 4: “This college football bowl season is like a brand of Chex Mix that comes with a bunch of nuts that you don’t really care to eat.”

This year’s postseason is sprinkled with a few games that prove to be exciting and noteworthy with a heavy dose of duds. This year’s National Championship game is sure to produce great ratings. Notre Dame, a team that is either loved or brutally hated, will take on Alabama, perhaps the best program of this millennium, in a game that every college football fan will surely tune in to watch.

But in the discussion of great contests to be played this postseason, the BCS Championship is just about the end of the argument. Georgia, an 11-2 team that was ranked third before falling to the Alabama in the SEC championship game, is playing in the Capital One Bowl. Seriously?

Unless you live in Tallahassee or are a fan of Northern Illinois (because there are so many of them), do you really care about the Orange Bowl? No.

But that is not any normal game, it’s the Orange Bowl. This is a game that’s supposed to be fought by two powerhouses, such as Michigan and Alabama in 2000, the University of Southern California and Oklahoma in 2005.

Northern Illinois?

Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing little Boise State take down Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl years ago. That was awesome. But the Northern Illinois Huskies are no Boise State Broncos. This year’s Mid-American Conference champions lost to Iowa, a team that failed to win more than four games. NIU barely beat both Army and Kansas, two teams that have three wins between them.

Residents of El Paso, Texas will be greeted on December 31 by Georgia Tech, a team with a losing record that was blown out by Middle Tennessee, and USC, a team that began the season ranked number one but ended the year having lost five times. ESPN didn’t even want the rights to present that game to the nation’ they let CBS have it. Just another reason not to tune in.

The Armed Forces Bowl is one of two that will be played against a pair of 6-6 teams. Air Force and Rice will battle for basically the least significant victory of 2012, and frankly, our men and women in uniform deserve much better.

Perhaps the biggest travesty of all, as pointed out by Paul Newberry of the Associated Press, is that poor Louisiana Tech, the highest-scoring team in the country, got snubbed.

It’s saddening to say that a team that won nine games, has the second-leading passer, third-leading receiver, and averages the most points in Division 1-A won’t be playing in front of a population that loves offense. It seems funny that everyone loves Oregon’s offensive attack but neglects a team that apparently does even better than them in that department.

“But wait,” you might call out. The BCS has changed its style of playoff. In a couple of years, all of this arguing will be done with, and fans of the sport won’t have to worry anymore. Stop all your complaining, because this will be over soon.

Not true.

In 2014, there will be four teams playing in a playoff to determine the National Champion. This year, those games would be played as Notre Dame vs. Kansas State, and Alabama vs. Oregon.

Great! We’ve solved basically nothing. It’s all well and good that at that point in time there will be no disputes about who should play in the title game, but that doesn’t solve the issue at hand.

This year, for many reasons, the bowl games are not exciting. The Championship and Fiesta Bowls will be, of course, as well as the Rose Bowl, which is a spectacle every year regardless of its competitors. But, that leaves 33 other bowls with minimal importance and minimal entertainment — unless you’re a fan of the Central Michigan Chippewas; then it’s only 32.

Sadly, I might have to revert my attention this holiday season to spending more time with my relatives. As horrible as that sounds, it just might be better than sitting through one awful postseason of football.

A Bazaar Success

By Mrs. McMichael’s and Mrs. Taylor’s Life Skills and School to Work classes

Students from the Penn Manor High School Life Skills class joined other classes from Lebanon-Lancaster Intermediate Unit 13 to show and sell an assortment of homemade crafts. The bazaar, held at Burle Industries in Lancaster, is is an annual event that the Life Skills class participates in each year. It is designed to help prepare the students to learn basic work skills, good communication and money skills.

The Life Skills class had a lot of success selling a variety of holiday crafts, including cinnamon ornaments and Silly Santas made from old Christmas balls.

“I liked the smell of the cinnamon as we were rolling out the dough,” said Jordan Hillery, a Penn Manor student.

“I had fun being creative,” said Freddie Antes of making the Silly Santa ornaments.

One customer purchased the entire box of Silly Santas.

The students also made neck warmers with different fragrances. Aaron Dimm helped sew the neck warmers.

“I had fun learning to use the sewing machine ,” said Aaron.

Some of the students’ parents helped the class with the Christmas Bazaar, including Mrs. Barb Phibbs, Mrs. Kristina Bates-Ross and Mrs. Di Ann Duick. The students were grateful to benefit from their creativity, generosity, help and support.

Some of the money the class earned from the Holiday Bazaar will be used to pay for a trip at the end of the school year for the students of both the Life Skills and School to Work classes.  The Life Skills class will also use some of the profits to purchase items for their classroom as needed throughout the school year.

Remaining holiday crafts will be for sale at the tables in the cafeteria from December 11-13 during all lunches. Teachers are encouraged to stop by Room 239 prior to the sale in the cafeteria to purchase Christmas gifts and décor.

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: Holiday Tradition with a Long History

By Elise Klingaman

Many citizens of the United States have different traditions for Thanksgiving: baking turkeys, watching It’s Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown!, or traveling to different areas to be with their families for Thanksgiving Dinner.  One holiday tradition commonly shared among Americans is the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade.

According to The New York City Tourist website, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade has been a New York holiday tradition since 1924.  The website also states that the Macy’s Day parade attracts more than 3.5 million people to attend the streets of Manhattan and more than 50 million to watch the parade on the fourth Thursday of November.

According to the TLC Family website, in 1924 there were only three floats in the entire parade, each one pulled by horses.  There were also four bands and groups of camels, elephants, donkeys, and goats, all from the Central Park Zoo.  Santa was last in the lineup, a tradition still carried to this day.

In comparison, the 2007 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade included 24 floats, 800 clowns, 11 marching bands, 1,900 performers, and 42 balloons.

The famous-and sometimes comical-giant balloons in the Macy’s parade first appeared in 1927, because the zoo animals were beginning to frighten the children.  The first balloons were of cartoon characters, such as Felix the Cat. The balloons used to be released into the air at the end of the parade, but in 1932 a pilot almost crashed into one of the balloons and that tradition came to an end.

The New York Police Department does not release the exact number of police officers are stationed at the parade. Officers are found riding along the outskirts of the parade on their motorcycles and watching from the Sky Watch, a portable two-story building that allows the guards to view the parade from above and can be displayed with multiple cameras.

Before the parade begins, all objects that could damage or obstruct the balloons, such as lampposts, street lights, and trees are either removed or altered.  By 6 a.m. Thanksgiving Day, all of the floats and balloons and prepared and ready to go.  The parade begins at 9 a.m.

Immediately following the parade, each of the structures and balloons is taken down and deflated.  The Sanitation Department estimated that the cost of cleanup after the 1990 parade was about $30,000, including mechanical sweepers to clean up the mess.  According to the book, Imponderables-The Solution to Mysteries of Everyday Life by David Feldman, the parade’s trash rarely exceeds 10 tons.

Girl Scouts Remember 100 Years

By Emily Thyrum

No one could have guessed 100 years ago when Juliette Low began the first Girl Scout troop that 100 years later, 3.7 million girls would be registered members. This year, Girl Scouts have not forgotten the woman who started it all in celebrating the 100th anniversary.

The true anniversary of when Juliette Low first gathered 18 girls to start the very first Girl Scout Troop was March 12, 2012. According to Cathy Molitoris, a Girl Scout leader in the Penn Manor school district, Girl Scouts have been celebrating the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouts in many ways.

The Juliette Low Bazaar, held in February, is an annual event in which each troop designs their own craft and sells them to many other troops. Money raised at the bazaar goes towards the national Girl Scout organization. This year, the event was especially distinctive because of the 100th anniversary. Each troop created posters about a certain decade in which Girl Scouts has existed.

Troop #334, a Junior Penn Manor troop from Manor Middle School, took on the 1920’s; some girls dressed up as flappers to illustrate that theme. They sold yarn octopi and sand art necklaces.

Troop #334 sold yarn octopi and sand art necklaces at the Juliette Low Bazaar in February 2012.

In April 2012, some troops in Penn Manor honored prior Girl Scouts at Willow Valley Retirement Community.

“Girls met with residents who were former Girl Scouts, enjoyed displays that showcased Girl Scouts through the last century, saw a fashion show of uniforms throughout the years, had a sing-along and made s’mores,” said Molitoris.

“My sister and I had a lot of fun bringing up the flags and singing songs with the elderly who used to be Girl Scouts,” said Claire Molitoris, daughter of troop leader Cathy Molitoris. “It was nice to see how Girl Scouts had affected the elderly’s lives, and I enjoyed being with them and making them happy.”

Rock The Mall: 100th Anniversary Sing-A-Long was a massive event on June 9, 2012 on the National Mall in Washington D.C. Around 150 Penn Manor Girl Scouts attended, and about 250,000 people in total enjoyed themselves, singing popular Girl Scout songs, listening to music, and walking around the Washington Monument to trade swaps with other troops.

Rock The Mall: 100th Anniversary Sing-A-Long was held June 9, 2012 on the National Mall in Washington D.C. Around 150 Penn Manor Girl Scouts and about 250,000 people total attended.

“It was really cool to see how many girls appreciated the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouts,” said Mary Christman, a Girl Scout and Penn Manor senior.

The Forever Green Project was held at Safe Harbor park during the summer.

“Our goal was to create a safe walking nature trail in the southern part of Lancaster County,” said Ms. Linda Davis, leader of Penn Manor area Girl Scouts, along with Ms. Louise Brown. “We concentrated on the Arboretum area of the park which had a trail over a mile long that had fallen into disrepair.”

Girls contributed their time by picking up garbage, making birdhouses for the trail, trimming branches, planting bulbs and other plants around the cemetery, and much more. The Forever Green Project website,  displays the changes the area goes through in each season and the location of the letterboxes, which the girls hid for people to uncover. To celebrating the 100th anniversary through the Forever Green initiative, the girls planted more than 60 saplings, which contributed to the state total of 13,150 planted trees.

In October 2012, more than 60 Girl Scouts marched in the Millersville Parade, and their float was a three tier birthday cake.

These many projects and events show Girl Scouts’ appreciation for the founding mother Juliette Low.

Claire Molitoris summed up the Girl Scout anniversary.

”Eighteen girls Juliette Low started with to now millions. I am still amazed every time I hear that.”

“It is really awesome that Girl Scouts has been around for so long, changing girls’ lives,” said Christman.

“When you look at everything Girl Scouts offers to girls—from troop meetings to camping, cookie selling, leadership opportunities, service projects and more,” said Cathy Molitoris, “It’s so easy to see that it is a great time to be a Girl Scout.”

Looper a Mind Bending Thrill Ride

By Gabrielle Bauman

This is one odd little movie.

Looper, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Joe, is based around one basic premise: time travel exists. The year is 2030, and time travel has not been invented yet. But by 2050, it will be –and immediately become so illegal only massive crime syndicates will use it. Joe is a “looper,” a hired gun for one of those syndicates. Early in the movie, we are told that because DNA testing and crime scene science have progressed so far that it’s nearly impossible to hide a body, the need for hit men has become tantamount. Joe is one of those hit men.

Looper stars Joseph Gordan-Levitt as Joe.

His job is pretty easy. He goes to the same place every day at the same time and waits. A person appears out of thin air, and he kills them at point blank range. He disposes of the body. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The basic premise for the movie is intriguing enough, but the route that the movie actually takes is so different than it could have been that it’s almost as if I saw a different movie than in the trailer. I don’t mind, though, since Looper is a fascinating mix of wry self-awareness and morality choices. Also, time travel. I’m a sucker for time travel.

MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

The main problem Looper has, and in fact most time travel movies have, is that it doesn’t really hold up to close inspection. None of the time travel really makes any sense, a fact which becomes readily apparent at the close of the film, but the great thing is that Looper is aware of its own ridiculousness.

There are two separate scenes in Looper where one character tells Joe (and the audience) a good rule of thumb while watching any movie that features time travel: “I don’t want to talk about time travel because if we start talking about it then we’re going to be here all day talking about it, making diagrams with straws.”

Looper is surprisingly funny. Little moments of humor do a brilliant job of breaking up tense scenes, especially the dialogue about time travel. Abe, a character from the future tells Joe that learning French is pointless. Instead, why not go to China and learn Mandarin? Joe replies that he’s going to France. Abe says “I’m from the future; go to China.”

Another scene takes place in Joe’s favorite diner. Instead of drinking coffee by himself like he normally does, now he’s dining with himself. Literally, himself. An older version of himself, looking at his younger self and not thinking very much of him. There’s a missed opportunity here: we could have had an entire movie like this, where a man examines his own past and looks at it with disgust. Of course that premise does not lend well to an action movie, but that still doesn’t stop me from missing the movie-that-could-have-been.

The addition of another science fiction trope — telekinetic powers — pushes the movie-that-could-have-been even further out of the way and turns the movie from a film about the past to a film about childhood. But instead of being another trope in a movie based on a trope, it pokes fun at that trope. Joe explains that when TKs (short for telekinetics) first appeared, they though there would be superheroes. But instead, it’s just a bunch of people levitating quarters in an attempt to woo young ladies.

I usually never have a problem with movies that don’t make any sense sci-fi-wise, as long as they play by their own rules. I could nitpick and whine about timelines and plotting, but since for the most part Looper plays by it’s own rules, I’m not going to.

Looper is a movie well worth seeing.

Part of the reason that Looper is so good is that it brings a completely original story to the table. I can’t just say that Looper is like this movie or another movie, because it isn’t. I, as a moviegoer, have been hungering for something new that wasn’t just rehashing what has already been done, and Looper delivers that much needed originality.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is, as per usual, excellent in this movie, and even Bruce Willis as Older Joe turns in a good performance — which is pretty rare these days. The makeup team deserves an award for turning Gordon-Levitt into a young Willis, though the montage that shows the actual transformation leaves a bit to be desired. Gordon-Levitt’s makeup is eery when both Older Joe and Young Joe are together. One begins to notice the small details: Gordon-Levitt’s nose has been changed, his eyes are different, his eyebrows have been modified.

Looper has been rated R for strong violence, language, some sexuality/nudity and drug content.

If you are old enough to go see it, I would give Looper an 8/10 stars. An excellent but criminally underseen film just as smart as Inception or Primer, Looper is a movie for anyone who loves both smart storytelling and heart-pumping action.